General

[quote=Missy]@crazypoorer:
the thread wasn't about her choosing a decision, the thread was about what you would do in her position
she already knew moving in with her dad was the best choice (clearly stated), she was just [b]hesitant[/b] because uh..
she's kind of changing her entire life with this decision.
she's kind of leaving her whole existence here.
she's kind of [i]really really really [/i]attached to this place, and i mean she's lived here for most of her life so i wouldn't expect any different..

even i wouldn't be able to throw away years worth of growth.

i know it's fun to poke at emotional people's decisions for being "too irrational" (which in itself is really dumb), but she's in a position right now that this thread hasn't even shown the [i]half[/i] of, so you really have no place to judge her ability to make logical decisions, or compare her to "most people you know" at the very least[/quote]

I have nothing to say if you're just going to cover up for an incompetent person who can't even make the easiest/best choice to maintain her sanity and live a possibly good life

I'd move with the dad right away. The mom is a bad person and she should feel bad.

If I was her I'd be crying so much and I'd hug you so tight that you'd be looking somewhere else like "uhhhhh...". That'd never happen to me in my life tho. My mom is not abusive at all. She's cute and naive.

You're asking Basil to decide the fate of your cousin.

How ... there isn't an adjective strong enough for this.

@crazypoorer:
the thread wasn't about her choosing a decision, the thread was about what you would do in her position
she already knew moving in with her dad was the best choice (clearly stated), she was just [b]hesitant[/b] because uh..
she's kind of changing her entire life with this decision.
she's kind of leaving her whole existence here.
she's kind of [i]really really really [/i]attached to this place, and i mean she's lived here for most of her life so i wouldn't expect any different..

even i wouldn't be able to throw away years worth of growth.

i know it's fun to poke at emotional people's decisions for being "too irrational" (which in itself is really dumb), but she's in a position right now that this thread hasn't even shown the [i]half[/i] of, so you really have no place to judge her ability to make logical decisions, or compare her to "most people you know" at the very least

She could always live in a foster home for awhile then go to her dad's place.

she should move ASAP. her dad can help her calm her down as well as you via messaging.

@mitarumetaro: Sorry, I'm so ecstatic that someone is suffering unnecessary emotional trauma

[quote=crazypoorer]@Missy: If she's suffering from emotional trauma, why would she even have the audacity of living with her mom?
If even the friends she wants to stay with in her last year of high school don't support her, she still's debating whether or not to live with her mom?
No excuses

If no one is supporting her staying with her mom, that idea shouldn't even come into her head. There shouldn't be any emotional conflict to mess with her logical decision, unless she likes pain that is.[/quote]

Dude calm yourself.

@Missy: If she's suffering from emotional trauma, why would she even have the audacity of living with her mom?
If even the friends she wants to stay with in her last year of high school don't support her, she still's debating whether or not to live with her mom?
No excuses

If no one is supporting her staying with her mom, that idea shouldn't even come into her head. There shouldn't be any emotional conflict to mess with her logical decision, unless she likes pain that is.

Tell her to get a GED so she doesn't have to finish high school.

[quote=crazypoorer]Most people I know can make logical decisions yet she succumbs to emotional decisions?[/quote]

she is:
-suffering from emotional trauma
-has only one voice of reason (me. yes, that means none of her friends are supporting her right now)
-depressed and suicidal

i'm surprised that she's able to differentiate between her rational and irrational feelings right now
hell, i'm surprised that she's even [i]alive[/i]

@Missy I thought that her options in what she wants to do isn't important necessarily, but what others around her would do, which my first rationale was @ilikefoodand was, because of the fact that she's still dependent, but really stinks that you can't really take care of her, because if she ends up taking the more rationale route in your case, she's gonna need to remake the friendship that she sees in you.

To be honest though, during your senior year, if you've worked pretty hard, you can sort of afford to let some senioritis slip in. In her case, she has a valid excuse of grades slipping (which is a case for many people who are scared of switching schools from what I've heard) and if she makes a nice mention of her troublesome life so far to a very appealing college application, although that sounds bad.

Anyways you really never know who you will meet at a new school, or a new area. Circumstances and coincidences of meeting the right people or wrong people in terms of making friends is all about the person taking the first step and going for it or waiting and analyzing everything. She will never know if she meets better friends or worse people and all that could happen in days or months, but hey, either or, it's only for a year.

She rather finish high school looking like an old hag on death's door and keep her friends who won't be going to the same college as her than losing the friends who would be lost eventually and move with her dad so she won't finish high school like she's half-dead? Most people I know can make logical decisions yet she succumbs to emotional decisions?

ps. Yes, I love run-on sentences

She moved once so she can do it again. She has experience with it so it shouldn't be too hard adapting to a new state/school and make new friends. It's best to start at the beginning of the school year as well because that's when you do all the ice breakers and stuff in school. Also, even if she does stay here with her mother, won't most of her friends leave for college anyways and she'd have to basically start fresh when she's a freshman in college? It's quite an obvious decision, even if she stays with her mother she will apparently make her so miserable she wouldn't be able to enjoy her time there.

Friends come and go. This is the second time this weekend I've seen a thread making the whole starting fresh at a new school sound like the most horrible thing ever. You had to do the same thing when you first started high school. And again when you start college. Having gone to a different school every year from 6th grade to 9th grade, I can honestly say that it's only bad for maybe one week, two weeks tops. You get to know at least a few people in the first few days. Even more if you try to talk to classmates.

Anyway, I digress, I say this shouldn't even be a question, she should just go with her dad, or see if that situation with her uncle can be extended to the end of her senior year if she really wants to try that. Because otherwise, keeping a few old friends isn't worth that kind of abuse. And if she was planning on moving to that state for college anyway, it gives her more time to adjust to her new surroundings before starting college.

Once you're in college, you'll NEVER see many of your high-school friends again.

They'll be doing different majors, different schedules. etc.

let her know that there will always be opportunities to make friends. Tell her highschool is only a small part of her life and is extremely insignificant in the long run.

Well staying at with her mom is obviously not an option unless shes delusional things are going to change. She has to move with her father even f it means starting fresh and without any friends. In a years time she'll make new friends and shes going to be going to college anyway so she most likely wont see her old friend anyway.

I would go with the dad because of what i just said ^, ive been living in the same city and have been in a long rut so i wouldnt hesitate to move.
But really......[b]Moving to a new state is the least of her problems.[/b]
Hope everything works out for your cousin.

at this point it's pretty much unquestionable that her best option is to move in with her dad. who knows, there's a [i]chance[/i] she may end up enjoying her stay there and she might make new friends. but if she stays with her mother any longer, her misery is guaranteed with no chance at all for a better life.

[quote=mitarumetaro]....just so we're on the same page..... there's no way you are letting her go back to her mom's, right?[/quote]

since i live alone i'm not able to support her in a lot of ways (unless she makes some money to feed herself), so i talked to my uncle who lives not too far to take her in until she decides to leave my apartment.

She can't stay in your house for the remaining year of school?

....just so we're on the same page..... there's no way you are letting her go back to her mom's, right?

i think being lonely for a couple weeks (if that, just put yourself out there, i know, easier said than done for some people) than be absolutely beat down by my own mother. Get the hell out of there.